During a few conversations with fellow Catholics, some of whom are in my own parish, I noticed that some of them say the stupidest things. Their quotes are banal, their insights full of liberal tripe and their knowledge of the faith dismal. Here are a few gems I found especially frustrating. Some are strait from the horse’s mouth while others are paraphrased:


–          Did you know that St. Hildegard was the first feminist?

–         I am so glad Vatican II allowed lay-people to finally participate at Mass.

–          It would be so nice if the Church could sell all its nice things and give them to the poor!

–          I don’t believe all those rules about fasting but do I give up sweets every Lent.

–          I think they should get a woman pope in there; after all, women have better morals.

–          Martin Luther was right in getting Catholics to read the Bible more.

–          The musical experiments of the 70’s were such a great thing, they need to make Mass fresh and relevant.

–          I hope the next pope allows gay marriage and birth control- we need to get with the times!

–          What is liturgy?

–          Is Hosanna the name of Jesus’s daughter?

–          Ooh, let’s replace the Exultet at Easter with something by David Haas!

–          I’m glad Benedict XVI stepped down; he was taking the Church backwards.

–          Oh, I take communion at the Anglican church, it’s the same thing as ours.

–          You don’t really have to go to confession, it’s really meant for therapeutic purposes.

–          The reason we don’t have any more vocations is because the Church won’t let go of traditions.

–          I’m so glad Vatican II got rid of Latin, no one can understand it!

–          You don’t really need to believe in purgatory.

–          Back before the 1960’s, the priest used to turn his back on us during Mass, it was so rude.

–          I’m disappointed the Church never elected a black pope.

–          Priests should be able to get married because everyone knows men need to have sex.

–          I’m not raising my kid Catholic… he’s going to choose his own religion, but I’m having him baptized – because it’s my right.

–          The Protestants would join our church if we could just be more like them!

–          I won’t kiss the bishop’s ring, he’s only a man.

–          Gay marriage isn’t a problem as long as it doesn’t affect me.

–           Latin Mass is idiotic.

–          Married couples shouldn’t have any more than two children- it’s irresponsible.

–          Why doesn’t the Church treat women like people?

–          The Catechism has too many rules; it should really be all about love.


Jesus Facepalm